If you are under any assumption at all that the word ‘glamorous’ belongs attached to my day to day living then you have either 1. Stumbled along entirely the wrong parenting muse, you’ll find Cara Loren somewhere here, or 2. You’re just in a confused state of mother delirium, in which case, welcome, fellow brethren, welcome.. you are amongst bleary eyed friends here.
I am in no way writing this to educate or enlighten, because I know approximately 92% of readers here are also mums (the other 8% is my husband.. HI HOWARD!) and so are most likely in very similar boats to me.. it’s more of a ‘let’s all laugh together so we don’t cry’ crossed with a ‘I need to remember what this life stage was like in years to come’ post because if I don’t write it down, it’ll be forever lost in that part of my brain that routinely hides any appointment details and everyone’s birthdays.
That said, let us venture into the wonders of what life is like with both a toddler AND a pregnant belly that could sink the Titanic.
- I won’t pretend that I’m not blessed with a wonderful sleeper in my daughter Evie! Thank God she sleeps through, because anything less that 7 hours sleep for pregnant me results in something truly inspiring for anyone casting a Zombie movie. Honestly, avoid me AT ALL COSTS when in the newborn stage or after a long haul flight! That said, no night is entirely uninterrupted with baby on board.. Usually after two blissful (probably snoring) hours of sleep since pregnancy insomnia finally curled up to die, my growing ‘bundle of joy’ takes an unprecedented flying high kick directly into my bladder with the obvious intention to prepare me for midnight wakings in the not too distant future! With tap-dancing baby inside, I blindly stumble down two flights of stairs (reminding myself to reinvent the bed pan as something cool to own) to find the toilet.
- There is no feat more difficult than picking an 18 month old up out of bed, changing their nappy, carrying (awkwardly on top of/around massive pregnant bump) them down said flights of stairs, quickly finding them something edible and putting in high chair all the while doing that horrible ‘I’m going to wet my pants’ dance because of course, my minuscule bladder is crying for attention again.
- The effort needed to just go to the bathroom and get Evie’s breakfast ready is apparently just too much for an empty stomach to handle and before long the morning sickness gurgle/low blood pressure wobbles take over as I hurriedly shovel down two slices of heavenly Vegemite toast.. Hmm best make that four slices just to be sure. Yes, I probably average half a loaf of bread just for myself everyday!!! Carbs are my friend, I love them and I will hurt you if you are mean to them!
- My current two favourite things in Evie’s room are 1. The child gate on the door, and 2. The single mattress that hides behind her shelves.. because this means when my energy has hit a wall and the thought of reading Dimity Duck one more time brings tears to my eyes, that I lie that mattress down, shut that baby gate and snooze away while Evie plays with absolutely everything in her room.. The mess she makes in there is blissful because it means I can snooooooooooooze! Oh the bliss in closing my bloodshot eyes (never fear, her room is amazingly baby proof and I never fully fall asleep.. mainly because her favourite game is to ‘climb all over mummy, using her nose and eye sockets as strong footholds’)!
- Have you ever tried to squeeze out of your car door after parking in a ridiculously tight car park?? Ever tried to do it with a basketball size belly on your front and the flexibility of a fat lamp post?? AND THEN try extracting a wiggling toddler from their car seat in said impossible car park.. PLUS that ever-niggling bladder and you are almost guaranteed to justify never ever ever attempting going out for the remainder of the pregnancy.
Oh I could go on and on! But I’d like to finish on a lighter note.. Having this insanely beautiful, sassy and adorable toddler in my world just makes me even more excited about meeting #2! I love my growing family so so much and would go through pregnancy multiple times to even get a glimpse of the happiness I have with them! Yup, it’s really crappy sometimes.. but I don’t regret one heartburning, peeing-my-pants, overtired second of it!
Not long to go!! Best go pop a Mylanta and get some rest 😉
“Wife to someone ridiculously handsome. Mum to a sassy, hilarious little girl. Past pro events planner who you now find in my loved escape of both exploring the inspiring and FUN world of kids interiors and fashion, while writing REAL, relatable and (hopefully) humorous posts on this incredible and overwhelming parenting gig!” @_baby_bean
Elise’s Website: babybean.co